I kept a journal my whole life till I started blogging. Originally I drew detailed sketches of the strays I would find, renaming them what I would have named them and writing about the special connections I had with every dog I found, then I drew pictures of horses, then I wrote about liking every boy, then I wrote about dating boys, then I wrote about dating The Boy, now I blog about our family. I don't blog too much about those personal thoughts I had everyday. I wonder if I think those anymore. I usually think; feed, clean, play, sleep, repeat. However I do catch myself thinking deeper thoughts.
Like today I wondered what kind of mom does Hudson need. He is super fun to play with but frankly I'm sick of building the same blocks, rolling the ball around, coloring, etc.. . . . I haven't grown sick of reading to him or taking him to the park. Sometimes I feel guilty for not playing with him, sometimes I feel guilty for building blocks when my heart isn't in it. He is pretty self-entertaining, and I don't think it's entirely healthy to have a mom all over you all the time, but I'm trying to think of what matters. I can't wait to talk to him and pick his brain even more.
Little things about his personality come out, like yesterday at Costco, my friend let her son crawl down the isle to release some energy. Hudson pointed and said oh oh oh oh, trying to get my attention. Do I have the do gooder tattle-tale son, I think I might? Or maybe he wanted to do it too, but really it seemed like the first.
Today I thought about how awesome it is that TJ has a normal schedule, like 9-6, it's so weird, I've looked forward to it for so long, going to bed together waking up together, but now I don't know what to look forward too, and I kind of miss having the whole family home all day together. Also I thought of how as our kids grow up, I'll become a shuttle, I'll have to get dressed every morning, yuck, not looking forward to that but at least they will talk so I can pick their brains as I shuttle.
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