Mountains

It's been 3.5 years since I've posted. In all honesty I forgot I had a blog. I even forgot I had a second blog mostly about running. It took me forever to even remember what it was called.  I had it completely private and shut down to comments and the like.  I have so many posts that I haven't ever published and as I went back and read them I saw some of the beauty in my life and my own soul which I feel has been greatly lacking lately.

We now have 4 boys and if you know any boy moms be extra nice to them, it seems if they are not outside or entertained 24/7 they resort to destruction. I've tried everything. Currently it's the end of Christmas break. We have been sick the entire time. The baby is sleeping and I told the kids to watch as much TV as they want but leave me alone. I know real responsible but you try being cooped up with the ruffians for 2 weeks straight. It's a good thing they are cute because the crusty strep sores on their face are repulsive and the medical bills aren't cheap. They have their good moments and they make me proud when they aren't killing each other but wow! One of our old neighbors used to tell me the horror stories of his life with 2 brothers. Pushing each other out windows and bloody fist fights and the like. I asked how his mom is and he said crazy. So ya my odds aren't looking so good.

Honestly life was pretty unchallenging for me for a long time and I feel like it dulled me down to a boring nothingness. Now I have so many challenges that as I sit here to deal with them I have no clue where to start. So I want to talk about what I love.

I love the summertime when it's warm and there are endless possibilities for adventure. I love the mountains and how ominous and strong they look also full of adventure. I think I'm missing adventure in my life. I'm trying to view my current situation as an adventure but today it feels more like a prison that I'm going to have to make monumental feats to overcome and how do I go about doing that? I'm sure other people are going through way harder challenges than I am, but today mine feel like mountains.

I broke my ankle two months ago on the 7th. My running which seemed to be the main source of my happiness (yes, I see the problem with that) seemed to be finally paying off. After all the cycles of having kids and newborns and gaining and loosing weight, I was feeling stable and getting back to where I was before the last kid. I had an amazing running support network that I spent lots of time with running and play dates with our kids.  With that gone I focused on spending time with my kids and eating healthy. I'm back up and running and not doing too terribly. We had a lovely Christmas and then so much piled on top of me that I feel like shutting down.

I once had a dream that has always stuck with me, I was super young. I dreamed I was at school and it ended, I followed a group of beautiful children up a mountain, we were scrambling and climbing and it was so hard but when we got to the top I entered a home overlooking the ocean at the edge of a cliff. The view was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. A woman greeted me with so much love in her beautiful eyes and a warm hug, she told me the children who make it there never give up, they keep trying every single day no matter how hard it is. I decided right there to always keep trying no matter how hard because of that feeling at the top. I've thought of the meaning of this dream many times in my life. Mountains always seem to be a theme of my dreams that I remember. Last night I went out with some friends I was lamenting my feelings to one of them, she said the people who are successful never give up and it reminded me of this dream and to NEVER GIVE UP!

If you know me or have run with me, you know I run faster uphills than level or declining ground, I know it's crazy, I'm not sure if my running friends love me or hate me for it but most have commented on it.

So I'm hoping these hills or mountain challenges are what I need in my life right now to help me pick up my pace and keep climbing those mountains, I can't wait to see the view from the top.

Top things to do in Colorado Springs, CO, mostly at night from a gal who grew up there.

Colorado Springs, CO.  This is where I grew up. Where my first memories of chasing fireflies, my brothers setting off illegal fireworks, digging snow tunnels, watching lightning storms, and discovering the new and the old, the natural and supernatural that life has to offer began. Sometimes I think I would like to live there now. I could take my family to these same places that I adore in my heart on the weekends. I could push my babies in a jogging stroller along the Santa Fe trail.

If you are a runner, correction if you are a distance runner you must know of the Sata Fe trail. First of all, I don't know if I could run it now without weeping. I would run there almost daily, every inch of it is filled with the hopes and dreams of my 18-20 something self. Initially I would drive on to the base, park near the high school and run North. Then one year after 9/11 they tightened up security, for a while they would let me on but things got stricter and stricter, forcing me to find an new start point. So I ventured to the Woodmen exit and ran North, or to the North Gate entrance and ran North or South. I love every inch of this trail from Palmer Lake to a bit South of the Woodmen exit. Sigh... I wish I had pictures. There were horses, train tracks, pioneer graveyards, forrest, lakes, planes, deer, snakes and bears.

While we are on running trails, Waldo Canyon loop was one of my favorites, I've heard that it burned down and is still closed currently. It was a 7 mile loop of sheer beauty, wonder, and awe. Also there is the incline, the old rail road up Pikes Peak, that exercise extremists have made into a strange thing that you do, I've even heard other towns making fake inclines. When I was in excellent shape I ran it, when I wasn't I walked it, some day I still dream that I will make the record time up it. When I used to go it had a no trespassing sign, not sure how it is anymore.

While we are there near Pikes Peak and Manitou Springs, I will tell you about Gold Camp Rd, back in my day we would go there at night. I knew just the right boulder to watch a lightning storm from. We would also go to the tunnels and put your car in neutral. Legend has it a school bus of kids died up there and they will push your car out. There are also tunnels now closed, and hiking up to them at night proved adventurous and sometimes creepy. Manitou Springs is knows for its witch population and we would often run across some rather interesting people. Gold Camp Rd was also a make out destination, so I wouldn't recommend shinning lights in any of those parked cars.

Manitou itself has some cool places. From the natural healing springs popping out of walls to taste to the Miramont Castle. My favorite memories are again, at night, wandering around, popping into grand historic building and exploring every inch of them.

The Broadmoor, we enjoyed walking the lake as a family, I remember bushes with tunnels that I enjoyed crawling through as a child. I loved stopping in the Olympic Ice Arena and watching figure skaters train. As I got older, I enjoyed exploring the architecture of the building as well walking around the lake.

Starr Gideon Kempf, we happened upon this one night with my oldest brother. Google Starr Kempf, he made these amazing huge metal sculptures that move gracefully with the wind. That first night I remember a bird that moved over the edge of the fence. I had no idea it was such a heated topic when we discovered them. Once again I enjoyed seeing these at night. I loved ogling over the fence at them. That first night we went I remember someone yelling at us and after researching the topic online the other day it turns out that many of the artforms have been removed or laid down on the ground, which I think is really sad, but I guess it boils down to an uncooperative daughter.

The Punch Bowls, another place that may have burned down. It was the most magical place to hike down to and camp or sit atop of these bowl like waterfalls and see the stars in their bright light.  Well it almost looks like I should name this blog post top things to do in Colorado Springs at night. So I will leave you with a couple more things to do at night.  A trivial thing we never quite accomplished was projecting the bat signal onto the kissing camels, try as we might we could not find anything thick enough and big enough to be long lasting, although I do remember partial success one night, credit for that awesome idea goes to Natalie Bogoini. My last night memory I will leave you with tonight is the bridge over I-25 by the art museum I think it is, I don't know, I just know where it is. It had a quirky park next to it, but if you lay on bridge just as a semi drives under it, you are in for a rush.

Well I'm too tired to go back and edit, this night spew of memories, it anyone is still reading enjoy, if you are from Colorado Springs you will probably enjoy it more. Sigh...

Directions

Lately I've been thinking about directions.  I've done this run a few times before, it's called Forrest Hollow it meets up with another trail called, Boy Scouts and comes back in to town.  I have always done it with more experienced people, and I generally float along following their directions.  I thought I knew it well.  I even studied it at 3am the night before so I wouldn't get TJ's sibs lost when I took them.  However, I studied the wrong part because this was the part I least thought I would get lost on.  It's the part I was most familiar with, but that made it all the more trickier, because I had done so many different routes once I had gotten to this section.  I also should have known since I was running with Lisa that we would get lost.  Actually it crossed my mind, we have a history of getting lost on our runs together.  Last time we were in Seattle and figured if we just kept running around the lake we would get back.  However there were channels off the lake and we were lost!  This time we were only 3 miles out of the way and in all fairness I knew that we would end up in the same general vicinity.  Plus we had a nice scenic byway through Docs.

It got me thinking though.  How often do we really know where we are going to end up in life?  Hopefully we all have goals of where we want to be, but I think we often end up somewhere else entirely.  Or maybe we just get there a different way than we had planned.  It usually ends up being harder but I think in the end it's usually better.  I hope anyways, so far that has been my experience in life.  I love to know the end from the beginning but how often can we actually know the exact outcome of everything we do?  My brain struggles with this, as it leans on the scientific side.  It also used to drive me nuts when my husband would say he knew how to get somewhere and get us completely lost.  He did teach me to enjoy getting lost though, and especially with him!  But I guess sometimes you just have to follow your heart and let it go!  I would love to hear other peoples thoughts on this.  My thoughts on this still feel rather immature, but I feel like I'm learning some life lesson from this all.

Nov

After getting my new phone we headed off to UT, Talmage and I were abducted in Springville for a girls trip that started at the Springville art museum, where some of this fine ladies art was showcased http://caitlinconnolly.com/.  I actually just deleted those images a few days ago, but I can't wait to purchase her art someday, I'm really sad I missed out on my last favorite, like regretting it big time, I may have to call her.  The ones that follow are some other ones that caught my eye.

gah!

Grandpa Dean dropped by to say hi in St George

Yia-Yia's

reunited with Dadda, going back to work the next day

Motherhood turned me socially awkward!

Anyone out there with kids, feel like they all of a sudden don't know how to talk to people anymore.  People talk to me and I'm like, yep I'm great (I haven't slept in like 2 years actually, I don't have the time I would like to workout, I clean up poop and pee and fight play with a 2 year old all day, I eat whatever is in our fridge and easiest to make because, I don't have time or energy to think about this anymore, I get dressed and think this would look so much better this way but remember that it will probably just get spit up on, stretched and pulled, on top of it all I have other responsibilities that I try to remember but usually forget) but what parent has this all figured out, clearly not me, but I'm happy, can't really tell you why except I love those kids and they are just so cute!  However at the end of the day when I put my kids to sleep, I think, wow, I didn't even ask so and so how they were, I just kind of blankly smiled and tried to not draw attention to myself so that I could disappear and take care of my kids.  I like all these so and sos but over years of all this, this is who I am turning into.  Any moms have tips?

2 has me beat :(

In my entire motherhood experience, which amounts to almost 2 1/2 years I've never had a day like the last two.  I've just felt completely unfit as a mother.  Maybe it was loosing Hudson at Target or maybe it was when some officer yelled at me for leaving my kids in the car for 3 minutes (within eyesight the entire time, 20 feet away, at 50 degrees).  Maybe it was when I unknowingly left Hudson in a poopy diaper for what I can only guess was around 3-4 hours.  Maybe it started when I was a nanny and never felt like I was a good nanny.  I don't know why but being paid to watch other peoples kids just has never been good for me.  Anyway, I feel completely unfit to be a mom today and feeling that way just makes me a crappier mom.  I'm pretty sure I'll get over it tomorrow.  Hopefully.  Maybe most moms go through this more frequently, or maybe not at all, I don't know or really care but I'm ready to have my mom come stay with me.  Then maybe the laundry will be put away and maybe we will eat real healthy meals, not just whatever I could throw out on the table between two demanding children.  Maybe my floors will get vacuumed and my bathrooms, cleaned.  I surrendered to the mess but then I can't function in a messy environment.  Thank you mom!

Life as of late . . . .

a windy fall day

TJ's fam loving on Tal

at the Colorado Adventure Park, just dow the road from us ontop of a mountain

my mom, Huds, and I

Huds found a stick

blessing day!

Veltus Park

Huds saw bikers at Snowmass village and he remembered his bike was in the trunk so he insisted he ride as well, we went in elevators and up and down hills

park break by Snowmass Village

my cousin Nick and I, hadn't see each other in 14 years, man we are a lot older

our maybe soon to be house, sorry about the crappy picture it was sunny and cold outside, so I did a drive-by to check out the plants in the front yard, we are waiting on the government to reopen so we can submit our loan

Two Rivers park

busted out the mocs